Sunday, April 16, 2006

Reality

Well- I love blogging!! I have written or "bookmarked" 372 posts as of December. To me, who could never think of myself as a writer because I could never really see the stuff I was really writing, this has been a wonderful way to measure quantity. I think I am lacking in quality, but that comes with maturity and self confidence. I am sad to say that my blogging daily days are probably numbered. I don't know who has actually read my posts, but for the last few years my hubby has been off of work due to a work injury. We went through the insurance company and in October he was essentially cut off of payments, due to the fact that they deemed him employable. Well, the mind is willing but the flesh is a mess. The original problem is still there and is exacerbated with activity to the point that it is a bit more painful than your average root canal apparently.

We have run out of options. I need to work a day job and a night job in order to make things POSSIBLY work. I am scared, I am pissed I am really not happy with how life has turned out. We are waiting to see if government disability will come through, but apparently chronic pain is a grey area. Not so fun. We are like many people- we have responsibilities that we need to take care of- bills, kids, etc. We have cut out as much unnecessary stuff as we can. ( Some may argue that the internet is unnecessary, but it is my lifeline to medical info and work info. ) Now it is time to be a "man" and suck it up and work sixty to eighty hours a week so we can do what needs to be done.

If blogging is sporadic or even worse, nonsensical, in the next while- please be patient!!! I will do what I can as often as I can. And I will visit the faves I have bookmarked here as I love reading you all.

Everyone has a story. That is what I love most about this whole experience. Even the info blogs have a story. This is like a peek into someone else's life, and I appreciate the honesty and passion I have come across over the last few months.

impatientpatient

3 Comments:

Blogger Upstart Services, Salle said...

I have been here. I have read some of your rage. I hope you're not too tired or in too much pain to keep up the fight, because you're right -- decentralization is the only way. And things will not decentralize if individuals give up. Power on, Ladies and Gentlemen!!

Sun Apr 16, 01:58:00 AM 2006  
Blogger Tim Kanwar said...

I'll add my voice as well: I hope that, whatever struggles you endure, you don't stop caring, don't stop speaking your mind.

I can't pretend to empathize so perhaps this is just idealistic of me: but I sincerely hope that no matter how hard it is to find the time, you never stop asking "Why?" and wondering if there isn't a better way to do things in this world.

Best of luck with everything that is forthcoming - I hope, somehow, that it all works out well.

-Tim

Sun Apr 16, 10:41:00 AM 2006  
Blogger Impatient Patient said...

Not giving up- oh no not me!!!

Just going to slog through to see if I solely can make ends meet.

Remember a few years ago the stories about a single mom working eighty hours to make ends meet because of welfare regulations?? No welfare here, but I will be working 10-12 hour days six days a week to keep us afloat.

Three kids, not yet forty and a husband who is also young and not able to work. Due to a work injury. That would be the source of my rage. I am furious that five years ago when I went back to school part time and tried to better myself this all happened. Plans changed, and apparently so did I. I emerged from my bubble that I had been in for most of my life- the one that said people were decent and did the right thing to others. No, not so much- they do what is best for themselves. Which is why we spent an inordinate amount of time fighting caseworkers rather than getting approved for treatment. And why they got bonused every time they deleted someone from their rolls. Nice freaking world.

Just hope he qualifies for disability. That will be enough to make this a year and a half plan, and not a four year bunch of crap.

Add to that the possibility that I am cut from my "real" job, or at least my hours will be cut by half and you can imagine how exceptionally unhappy I am. And why I need to do this.

Rage- I just hope it is not impotent rage, but rage that can be transferred to do good eventually.

Mon Apr 17, 12:02:00 PM 2006  

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